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| New Life |
I gotta come clean. I've had some really rough weeks recently. I've hit some lows and I don't like being there. I've had that lost, empty feeling. Those that know me, know that I've been here before.
I found myself crying a lot--actually, more like trying not to cry. Trying to hold myself together and present a happy face for my family. (Note to self...this approach never works....you already knew this, ya big dummy!)
I finally knew what I needed to do. Tell some trusted friends about the struggle, the inner turmoil and sadness. Ask them to pray. Prayer works. Opening up and sharing the pain helps. I don't exactly know why it's so hard to get to this point, but I have to get to a really dark place before I can open my mouth and ask. I just never want to burden other people with my pain, my struggle. I don't ever want to make someone else feel this bad.
I think this is predominately a spiritual struggle. If the Enemy can stifle my spirit, he wins--he pulls me low and I struggle in all areas....managing my home and family, educating our children, ministering to others. The Enemy wins when I become ineffective in all these areas.
He wins until I pull my depression out into the Light. I share and receive healing prayers and love. And of course my dear friends want to know why I didn't tell them sooner. I sometimes wonder the same thing.
One dear friend reminded me that the Bible says that I am to Praise God in all things. I am to Praise Him for Depression! Let's just say that I had NOT been praising God for this struggle. I had been praying fervently asking Him to take the struggle away or make me strong enough to walk through it, but I had forgotten about the praise. My friend suggested that I Praise God for this out of my desire to obey Him. I'm not telling Him that I love depression, just simply that I Praise Him and trust that He will see me through this to grow me and/or to bring glory to His Kingdom. I can trust that He will use my pain. I can trust that He will see me through this. I can trust that He is purifying me.
I am Praising God for my depression!
Praising God changes everything about this struggle.
Thank you, Patti, for reminding me to Praise Him.
Thank you, Dear Friends, for carrying me to Christ in prayer.
Thank you, Craig, for helping me to cry.
Thank You, Lord, for not giving up on me even when I have to repeat these lessons over and over.
Thank You for Your Patience, Love, Kindness, Peace.
I have depression.
I am blessed.
much love,
pam
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before Him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God
It is He who made us, and we are His;
We are His people, the sheep of His pasture.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving
and His courts with praise;
give thanks to Him and praise His name.
For the Lord is good and His love endures forever;
His faithfulness continues through all generations.
Psalm 100
You are a brave and mighty warrior!
ReplyDeleteMy greatgrandfather was a traveling pastor and suffered from depression. I love reading his letters to family members and I wish I could have known him personally. He didn't talk about his depression in his letters, but that knowledge was passed down through family members who witnessed his struggles. It is indeed hard to find joy in trials, but I think the effort to praise helps us refocus on God, who is indeed our strength. Thank you for sharing your struggles. I know you help others by doing so.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you, Pam! I honor you for your bravery in writing about this subject. Too many of us are afraid to put these feelings down on paper--afraid of what others will think. Of course, the people who think the less of us are people we don't need in our lives anyway! And yes, I know exactly what you mean about keeping it bottled up inside, and shutting our friends and loved ones out, and then wondering why we did that!! I am in my beloved Egypt once more, so depression is not an option, but I suffered greatly this past summer. I think you and I are stronger than we could ever believe, but that is only because we do let our friends in (eventually) and we praise God for helping us through the darkness and into the light. Stay strong, Pam, and keep on praising... Much love and hugs, Marie
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