Friday, March 27, 2015

you are enough, My Beloved

I awoke this morning feeling anxious because my mind always thinks that there is too much to do.

It tells me to hurry and run to the next thing. It keeps me feeling stressed and others feel it, too....especially my children.

During my quiet time, I went to Jesus and asked if there is something else that I need to see regarding this? Is there some way to resolve this anxious feeling?
Don't be anxious. Just turn to Me.

I can't hold it all together, Lord. I keep trying and I just can't. I see other people holding things together just beautifully, but I always seem to be running 3 steps behind or spinning in a circle. Why Lord?? (no answer heard)

Jesus, what do I do with this world that tells me to run faster and do more?
You run your own race. The course is set by Me.You have to let go of this anxiety, Pam. It will kill you.

Is the answer in simplifying? That seems to be a myth to me. Please help me see the truth, Jesus.
It's Me. I am the Truth and the only way to journey successfully through this world. 
Then I heard the Most Beautiful Words:
You are enough, Pam...just as you are. You are beautifully, wonderfully made. I created you with love.

I felt God's love and peace fill me. He kept telling me "You are enough." Finally I was able to say it to myself. "I am enough."

Oh Thank You, Sweet Lord!

I guess this means when I run this crazy "I can't do it all" game, it's really me thinking, "I am not enough." But that's not what Jesus says.

I sat a little longer, thinking about all this. I found myself applying the "enough" to more things:

I am enough.
The kids are enough.
We are doing enough.
The house is clean enough. (haha!)
We are studying and doing enough with school.
I am working on taxes and bookwork enough.
I am cooking enough, shopping enough, doing enough.
My husband is doing enough--he is not behind with his work either.
Everything will work out.
God and His Grace are enough to see us through all our struggles.
I have enough energy and mental strength to do all that needs to be done today.
I am loving enough.
I am living enough.
We are organized enough.
I have plenty of time today--enough!
I am enough!


I feel God nudging me to share this today.

Someone else must need to hear this. These words are for you:

You are enough.
You are loved.
You are precious and dear.
Jesus loves You.
You are His Beloved Child.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Just Fake It

Been wondering where I've been?
Me too.
My life spun out of control for the past year.
My Dad died in March 2014. I was already on rocky ground emotionally before he died.
His death was sort of a nail in my coffin, too.
Emotional healing is hard. Really hard. And it takes a lot of time. At least it has for me.
I've learned a lot in the past year.
I've learned that I don't want to go backwards, and yet sometimes I still do.
I've learned that I have to go back and face the pain, walk through it, to find freedom and healing on the other side.
I've learned that depression and anxiety prefer to play a sick game together.
I've learned that a full night of sleep is a most beautiful thing.

I've recently realized that I've forgotten how to dream and have goals for my life.
Today I decided that even though I feel empty and without dreams, I will create some made up dreams.
Sort of a 'fake it till you make it' plan.
I'm going to keep reading through my made up dreams until I start feeling again...until my dreams become real and important to me again.

One of my dreams is to help others whose emotional life is spinning out of control.
I don't really know how I will do that.
But I know that I can't help anyone in my silence.
....and so I will share.
The up's
The down's
and the building of a life in between.

May God bless your soul richly today.