grief and God

We have had 2 major losses already this year. One in our extended family. The other was my husband's best friend. Each morning I find myself sitting in the grief and pain of these losses. I'm noticing that current grief has a way of pulling old losses to the surface again, too. As if the current grief isn't enough...old grief wants to join in the party! Ugh! It seems the only way through it is to go through it....I've side-stepped and avoided pain for most of my life. That method worked for a while, but certainly isn't a good long-term solution.

I do a lot of journaling to process what comes up for me each day. I also seek God's input when I journal. Sometimes I hear a little from Him and sometimes there is a lot. I feel very vulnerable, but I want to try sharing some of this with you.

From today:
Lord, please speak Your Truth to me. Help me to have clarity, grace, and love in this day. Help me to hear You, Lord. Please let there be healing in our hearts, minds, and bodies today.

It's okay Sweet Child.
It's okay to cry and feel this sadness.
It's okay to be a child and not be responsible for everything.
It's okay to just be today--to just be and look for fun things to do.

Your childhood was never like that.
You can claim moments of that now.
You can be free in Me.

I love you, Sweet Child.
I love you when you are up and when you struggle and feel down.
I always love you.
It is safe to go through whatever you are feeling.

It's okay to have fun.
You aren't going to go off the rails and stop taking care of your family.
You might feel more light-hearted while you care for them though.
You are relearning your childhood--seeking some childish ways.
This is good.

Embrace yourself.Love yourself.
Be good to yourself today.

All is well in the Universe.
You can take off your cape-- stop feeling responsible for everything and just be you.
I love you, Child.
Take today as it comes and practice doing the fun things.


May your day be blessed,
pam

you are enough, My Beloved

I awoke this morning feeling anxious because my mind always thinks that there is too much to do.

It tells me to hurry and run to the next thing. It keeps me feeling stressed and others feel it, too....especially my children.

During my quiet time, I went to Jesus and asked if there is something else that I need to see regarding this? Is there some way to resolve this anxious feeling?
Don't be anxious. Just turn to Me.

I can't hold it all together, Lord. I keep trying and I just can't. I see other people holding things together just beautifully, but I always seem to be running 3 steps behind or spinning in a circle. Why Lord?? (no answer heard)

Jesus, what do I do with this world that tells me to run faster and do more?
You run your own race. The course is set by Me.You have to let go of this anxiety, Pam. It will kill you.

Is the answer in simplifying? That seems to be a myth to me. Please help me see the truth, Jesus.
It's Me. I am the Truth and the only way to journey successfully through this world. 
     
Then I heard the Most Beautiful Words:
You are enough, Pam...just as you are. You are beautifully, wonderfully made. I created you with love.

I felt God's love and peace fill me. He kept telling me "You are enough." Finally I was able to say it to myself. "I am enough."

Oh Thank You, Sweet Lord!

I guess this means when I run this crazy "I can't do it all" game, it's really me thinking, "I am not enough." But that's not what Jesus says.

I sat a little longer, thinking about all this. I found myself applying the "enough" to more things:

I am enough.
The kids are enough.
We are doing enough.
The house is clean enough. (haha!)
We are studying and doing enough with school.
I am working on taxes and bookwork enough.
I am cooking enough, shopping enough, doing enough.
My husband is doing enough--he is not behind with his work either.
Everything will work out.
God and His Grace are enough to see us through all our struggles.
I have enough energy and mental strength to do all that needs to be done today.
I am loving enough.
I am living enough.
We are organized enough.
I have plenty of time today--enough!
I am enough!

THANK YOU, LORD JESUS!!


I feel God nudging me to share this today.

Someone else must need to hear this. These words are for you:

You are enough.
You are loved.
You are precious and dear.
Jesus loves You.
You are His Beloved Child.